Monday, February 8, 2021
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After unsuccessfully trying to type words, I’ve come to realize that there are really no words that are and ever will be appropriate to convey the sadness and hole in our hearts.
There are only indescribable feelings, emotions, sadness and heartache. Feelings that make my heart feel actual physical pain, like we can all die from a broken heart. Our mother was our insides. She gave us life. Brought us into the world so selflessly. She’s the very essence of who we all are. Our guts. Our determination. Our confidence. Our bravery and strength. Our sensitivity, compassion, loyalty and even our laughter. We all have the best parts of her.
She was everything to us, our mother and our father. So the best way to honor her memory is to try to explain how much she meant to each and every person in her life.
There isn’t just one word to describe my mother, there are many. Our mother was a remarkable woman. Who would give you her last dollar if she saw you that you were struggling. She’d be your sounding board if you needed to vent. She taught us to love and accept everyone.
When we were younger our mother would try to discipline us and she end up chasing us around the house with a wooden spoon, she actually never hit us. We’d end up laughing as we’d try to barricade ourselves in the bathroom or whatever room we ran to. This sums up who she was. Lighthearted and fun.
I remember her leaving notes on the kitchen table before she left for work, always with a smiley face, telling us our chores and what we should do around the house. We rarely listened and in retrospect probably caused her a great deal of stress.
She loved playing cards with her grandchildren, they were her pride and joy.
My mother’s beautiful green eyes were the window into her soul. Her beauty resonated deeply within her.
I can still hear her voice, her words of wisdom and encouragement still.
My mother was a genius in the kitchen. We will miss her spaghetti and clams, her stuffed mushrooms, her green olives, her tunafish sandwiches, her salads, she was a salad fairy, but her meatballs most of all. She expressed her love through food, hence why we are all a little chubby and all eat when we are stressed. Just that knack she had for putting love into whatever she made.
She taught us so many valuable lessons and important life skills that we will take with us for a lifetime.
Our hearts are broken that we will never see her smile, her face again or hear her laugh.
Not sure if I know of anyone stronger, she never gave up. Even when the world was unkind to her. It is that strength that I hope we can all channel to get us through this devastating loss. It’s amazing how strong you have to be when you have no other choice.
My mother’s heart kept her alive in that hospital while she struggled for breath. For three weeks our family fought and sought every possible to treatment to try and save her life. We didn’t want it to be her time. We didn’t want God to take her home. She wasn’t ready. She had so many good years left.
In the weeks leading up to the death, I’d like to thank all of the people who gave me hope. The prayers from our very close friends. You kept me going when I felt like I couldn't. The 5:00 AM phone calls with Maureen, her sister her lifelong friend, the constant support from her sister and confidant Joann. Kathy for praying with me in the hospital. Maryann for helping me remember who my mother was. The strangers that were out in my path to try to help me understand what this virus was capable of. The people that just reached out to me so selflessly to try and help me every step of the way. I will never forget this unwavering support you provided us with in our darkest days which ultimately lead to my mother’s demise.
Mom, we will miss you forever. Nobody will ever be able to fill your shoes. We will look for you in every sky, we will find you in our rich filled memories and see you in our dreams. My heart will remain forever broken.
Ciao Mama, until we meet again Clairebear.
